


Torn

by YearnForSomeDay



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 00:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YearnForSomeDay/pseuds/YearnForSomeDay
Summary: Breaking up is never easy, I know. But I have to go.





	Torn

**Author's Note:**

> This was heart-wrenching for me to write, so I didn't review it before posting. Hope there weren't too many mistakes.  
> I'm sorry if this arouses painful emotions, but as I've had a heartbreaking experience recently, I had to get it out somehow. Thank you for reading. And if you're going through something similar, we'll fight through it together. I am with you, you aren't alone.

Therese had always known that her insecurities had caused most of the troubles in her and Carol’s relationship, but she’d somehow never thought it would come to this. Sitting in a café with Carol sitting opposite her, she gathered her thoughts the best she could. She watched as Carol calmly took a sip from her espresso, looking at documents in her computer. She could tell Carol was putting on a façade. Therese hated it. She hated that Carol felt she had to shield herself. 

“Could you sit by me?” Therese asked, timidly.

Carol slowly lifted her head, rigid smile still in place. She looked up to say something, but whatever she saw in Therese’s eyes made her stop. She sighed and slowly picked up her computer, moving to the seat besides Therese. Once she sat down, Carol looked up at Therese expectantly. 

Therese had rehearsed what she wanted to say all day, but suddenly lost all her courage and strength. She couldn’t lift her head nor did she dare look at Carol. 

“I… I thought about what I would say to you all day, but after talking with Dannie, what he said made me think that, if I just said goodbye to you today, I would regret it forever.” Words left her mouth unsurely, leaving a strange feeling as they came out. 

She finally snuck a peek at Carol. Carol was still sitting there with her calmness. 

“Do you think maybe, we could stay together? I know my insecurities have caused us so much, but I’ve been trying. I’ve really been trying since our big fight two weeks ago. And I know I can overcome them now! Just let me keep working on that. Please. We can get over this.” 

Therese opened her mouth to say something, anything, but Carol interjected. “Later. We’ll talk later.” 

Therese nodded, unable to speak. 

Carol left the table to speak to the waitress. “Could we have our coffees to go, please?” “Yes, both of them. The espresso and the latte you’re making.” “Thank you.”

A few moments later Carol came back with their drinks in take-out cups. 

“Let’s go.” 

Therese took her latte from Carol. They walked out the door, Therese keeping a distance from Carol. 

The nighttime wasn’t cool for Therese, though Carol and everyone around them wore jackets. Perhaps she was numb from the feelings. Perhaps what chilled her more was the coldness Carol emitted. 

Carol led her to the park nearby. 

“Hey, this isn’t the park with the cat.”

“Yeah.”

“You knew?”

“Yes.”

“Then how did you find the cafe?”

“I searched for the name on my phone.”

“Oh, okay. Well.” Carol shrugged and sat down on a bench. Gesturing to the seat beside her, she waited for Therese. 

Therese walked slowly, unsure as to what would happen next. Carol took the cup from Therese and set it down gently between their feet. Therese shuffled her feet.

“We can’t be together anymore.” Carol was now straight to the point.

“Can’t we try? I am getting better, I really am!” Therese pleaded.

“We can’t. It’s too late.”

“Then… can’t we start over?” Therese looked straight into Carol’s eyes now, feeling her own well up. Her heart clenched, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “I’ll be better from now on. I’ll prove to you that I can.”

Carol’s eyes were now bereft of any false humor they bore before. Sadness filled them, as it did her demeanor. She moved her body to face Therese, and picked up Therese’s hands in her own. 

“I can’t start over with you.”

Therese was gasping for breath, crying the hardest she’d ever done. The pain washed over her, and she couldn’t hold back. 

“It’s too late. I can’t. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but every time we fought about the same things, it wore out my love for you again and again. I would rather we broke up now, while we still have a bit of love for each other, rather than hate each other when I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to hurt you. And if we stay together, I will hurt you in terrible ways. I can’t do that to you.”

“I don’t mind” Therese grasped Carol’s hands. “I don’t mind!”

Carol shook her head sadly. 

“I don’t. You can treat me any way you want from now on. I’ll handle it! I can take it. As long as you stay with me.”

“I don’t want that. I don’t want you to be in such a menial position in our relationship.” Carol was decided.

“It won’t be menial; I can take it.” Therese was not only grasping at Carol’s hands, but also at straws now. She was full on shaking and sobbing, not believing how much pain she was in.

“It's too late.” Carol repeated gently. “My heart has closed.”

Hearing that pained Therese more than anything, making her believe Carol’s firm decision. Her sobbing slowly calmed, reducing to resigned sniffling. She kept her head down, unable to speak. Carol’s golden locks entered her sight. She felt Carol nudge her her face. With silent tears streaming down her face, Therese turned to look up at her beloved. Carol nudged her again, and gently put her lips against Therese’s. Shaking, Therese dared to kiss her again. Carol pulled away. 

Therese went back to looking down at the ground. There were people around them, and Therese could feel some eyes on them, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care one bit about anything other than Carol. She felt Carol ‘s thumb rubbing her own. Carol rubbed the part of Therese’s thumbnail that had been caught in the door, when Therese had recklessly slammed the door shut before they went on an outing months ago. It didn’t hurt anymore, but part of her thumbnail was pressed in, creating a little rift. She wished Carol could keep rubbing her thumb forever. 

“Could you stay with me, a little longer?” Therese rasped. 

“Okay.” Carol continued rubbing Therese’s thumb in an unconscious manner. 

Her other arm wrapped around Therese’s shoulder, Carol hugged Therese. Therese put her face in the nook between Carol’s neck and shoulder. She wished her nose wasn’t clogged up, so that she could smell Carol one last time. She wished they could stay like that, but they were using up their borrowed time. After what seemed like a millisecond to Therese, she slowly untangled herself from Carol. 

“Let’s go.” She croaked out. 

Carol took Therese’s hand, sticking it and her own into her pocket. They walked silently back to Therese’s house. Therese could feel Carol’s eyes on her, and only dared to look up at Carol whenever they weren’t. Her heart felt like it had been torn in two, half of it would always belong to Carol, and the other half didn’t feel like it could work again. 

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“What?” Carol bent down slightly.

“Thank you for being so tender, even at the end.”

Carol shook her head, smiling bitterly. 

“I’ve never been a tender person. Not from the start.”

“I know, I know.” Therese had heard Carol put herself down in terms of sentiment time after time. “But this is enough for me.” It had always been enough.

They took their usual walk along the river.

“I blame myself as well. Maybe if I hadn’t put in so much emotion so soon, this wouldn’t have happened.” Carol mused. “But you know there aren’t this much ‘maybes’.”

“I know.”

Carol walked Therese to her door. Therese’s battered heart wept, when memories of Carol pushing her against that same door, and kissing her playfully entered her mind. They stood within the door, staring at each other. Carol stepped out the door backwards, and after a pause walked back in again. She stood face to face with Therese, and gently nudged her nose against Therese’s. They kissed once, twice, and and before Therese knew, it was over.

Carol lifted Therese’s chin up. “You’d better keep fighting, you hear?” She put on a challenging smile that Therese loved.

Therese nodded. And swore to herself she would.

Carol took another step out, and they returned to their respective places in the world. Carol’s eyes were now burning with pain. Therese had never seen them that way, and it broke her heart even further. She knew she had to be the strong one now. With all her might, she closed the metal door, and watched as Carol walked away. Out of her life.


End file.
